I really appreciated the clear way you've outlined the process of the inter-play of emotions and thoughts. It makes so much sense from a physiological point of view--chemical cascades being preceded by electrical activity (EKG, brain waves, nerve impulses, etc). I hadn't really thought about how our emotions proceed from our chemicals, but that holds true. Then thoughts take over and keep the emotions going--for better or for worse. I'd be curious to know what you think about Needs (ingrained and also learned) as a precursor to thoughts and maybe even emotions...?
Thank you so much for your reflections Ann, I really appreciate knowing how this piece landed for you, and that you can relate to the physiological aspect. This, I think, is the breakthrough place for us modern humans. When I read Rosenberg's intro to NVC, I was pleased to discover his explanation of the relationship between thoughts and feelings. When we add in the physiological aspect of things, I think it really helps to support what he and so many other great teachers have been trying to convey.
I would love to contemplate what you brought up about Needs. Can you say a bit more about what you mean by the word, help define it for me? I hope your retreat was lovely and nourishing in all the ways you intended.
re: needs: I understand them to be things like safety, belonging, trust, respect..things on Maslow's hierarchy. e.g. when a person might say "I'm angry" the underlying need might be for *respect* which is driving the feeling. If a person focuses on the feeling (the anger) it's hard to change if the underlying need is still unmet. I was trained to try to name both together in order to find a mutual solution that works for two people.
For example, if we say to ourselves "I'm mad, because they're late again." It isn't really helpful, because it perpetuates the thinking behind the anger.
But if we ask ourselves "Are you feeling frustrated (a more specific feeling),
because you need to rely on them to be here as agreed?" (specific needs of reliability and trust). Oftentimes there's great relief when our specific needs are understood.
Then we can understand our own needs to help us steer our thinking and emotions. Instead of just spinning our wheels and getting more angry, we can have self-compassion and think, "It's ok to ask for the reliability I need"... or something like that.. if that makes sense?
Then we can do this for each other by asking: "Do you feel "X" because you need "Y"?
And I guess the underlying thinking is that Needs are always valid, but emotions and thinking can be linked together in unhelpful ways when our needs are unknown or un-acknowledged.
Anyway, I would love to understand it all better, and I'm grateful that you're taking the care and time to study and write about these things here, Emma. Thanks for the kind wishes--my retreat was super-nourishing. I only wished it had been longer :-)
Oh I’m so glad you explained so much. This is all so good and important to our human experience. I’m going to contemplate this deeply, and either respond to you directly, or perhaps write about it.
Appreciate this essay very much. The idea that we are each healers when we focus our energies on flowing rather than resisting has been proven to me over and over in this lifetime by some of those closest to me. And yet, being able to break free of old patterns of thought in a world that doesn’t want you to believe you have this freedom, is tricky indeed. Thank you for your voice. ❤️
I appreciate your feedback, it's really precious to me to hear that this resonates with others. To hear that this resonates with you. For me, it is the same as you say - proven over and over - I am finding that the more flow I allow, the more I also find those who understand these things too. This is such a wonderful thing, because ultimately, we make the world, we are it....together - and so, we can change what the world is or isn't believing...at least, this is my prayer, hope, and belief.
Such a collective consciousness- as my next essay is literally on flow state and how we move ourselves forward. When we can stand in our own power we will know we have always had the ability to see the world and then believe it into being … differently. Thank you again. Yes, much resonating indeed. ❤️
"The whole and holy family of collective resonance" - this is a line from a song I received some years ago. More and more I am finding this - we are manifesting ourselves, and each other. I look forward to reading your essay.
"Emotional steering wheel" is an apt phrase from your husband--emotions are about what we give the permission to steer us.
Your point about the body's messages was resonant: "if we somehow miss the message that our emotions are sending us, they simply get louder...our emotions and physical bodies become a very clear read-out of what we are doing on the more subtle levels of our being."
Thanks James, I’m glad you were able to connect with it..
I like the way you put it: emotions are about what we give the permission to steer us. Exactly. It’s not always easy to take over steering if we haven’t done it, or didn’t know we could (or even when we know!) but it’s simple. Awareness is the first step.
Thanks so much Sarah - exactly what you said about the freedom that comes when we begin to question our thoughts. The biggest revelation for me has been turning the focus towards my moment to moment feeling/emotional state (driven by my thinking), rather than trying to manage everything from my mental realm. I'm glad you appreciate the science, as someone who loves the esoterics of it all, when I came around to the science portion I realized how much stability and clarity it offers!
I really appreciated the clear way you've outlined the process of the inter-play of emotions and thoughts. It makes so much sense from a physiological point of view--chemical cascades being preceded by electrical activity (EKG, brain waves, nerve impulses, etc). I hadn't really thought about how our emotions proceed from our chemicals, but that holds true. Then thoughts take over and keep the emotions going--for better or for worse. I'd be curious to know what you think about Needs (ingrained and also learned) as a precursor to thoughts and maybe even emotions...?
Thank you so much for your reflections Ann, I really appreciate knowing how this piece landed for you, and that you can relate to the physiological aspect. This, I think, is the breakthrough place for us modern humans. When I read Rosenberg's intro to NVC, I was pleased to discover his explanation of the relationship between thoughts and feelings. When we add in the physiological aspect of things, I think it really helps to support what he and so many other great teachers have been trying to convey.
I would love to contemplate what you brought up about Needs. Can you say a bit more about what you mean by the word, help define it for me? I hope your retreat was lovely and nourishing in all the ways you intended.
re: needs: I understand them to be things like safety, belonging, trust, respect..things on Maslow's hierarchy. e.g. when a person might say "I'm angry" the underlying need might be for *respect* which is driving the feeling. If a person focuses on the feeling (the anger) it's hard to change if the underlying need is still unmet. I was trained to try to name both together in order to find a mutual solution that works for two people.
For example, if we say to ourselves "I'm mad, because they're late again." It isn't really helpful, because it perpetuates the thinking behind the anger.
But if we ask ourselves "Are you feeling frustrated (a more specific feeling),
because you need to rely on them to be here as agreed?" (specific needs of reliability and trust). Oftentimes there's great relief when our specific needs are understood.
Then we can understand our own needs to help us steer our thinking and emotions. Instead of just spinning our wheels and getting more angry, we can have self-compassion and think, "It's ok to ask for the reliability I need"... or something like that.. if that makes sense?
Then we can do this for each other by asking: "Do you feel "X" because you need "Y"?
And I guess the underlying thinking is that Needs are always valid, but emotions and thinking can be linked together in unhelpful ways when our needs are unknown or un-acknowledged.
Anyway, I would love to understand it all better, and I'm grateful that you're taking the care and time to study and write about these things here, Emma. Thanks for the kind wishes--my retreat was super-nourishing. I only wished it had been longer :-)
Oh I’m so glad you explained so much. This is all so good and important to our human experience. I’m going to contemplate this deeply, and either respond to you directly, or perhaps write about it.
Appreciate this essay very much. The idea that we are each healers when we focus our energies on flowing rather than resisting has been proven to me over and over in this lifetime by some of those closest to me. And yet, being able to break free of old patterns of thought in a world that doesn’t want you to believe you have this freedom, is tricky indeed. Thank you for your voice. ❤️
I appreciate your feedback, it's really precious to me to hear that this resonates with others. To hear that this resonates with you. For me, it is the same as you say - proven over and over - I am finding that the more flow I allow, the more I also find those who understand these things too. This is such a wonderful thing, because ultimately, we make the world, we are it....together - and so, we can change what the world is or isn't believing...at least, this is my prayer, hope, and belief.
Such a collective consciousness- as my next essay is literally on flow state and how we move ourselves forward. When we can stand in our own power we will know we have always had the ability to see the world and then believe it into being … differently. Thank you again. Yes, much resonating indeed. ❤️
"The whole and holy family of collective resonance" - this is a line from a song I received some years ago. More and more I am finding this - we are manifesting ourselves, and each other. I look forward to reading your essay.
Beautiful essay, Emma, teeming with insight.
"Emotional steering wheel" is an apt phrase from your husband--emotions are about what we give the permission to steer us.
Your point about the body's messages was resonant: "if we somehow miss the message that our emotions are sending us, they simply get louder...our emotions and physical bodies become a very clear read-out of what we are doing on the more subtle levels of our being."
Thanks James, I’m glad you were able to connect with it..
I like the way you put it: emotions are about what we give the permission to steer us. Exactly. It’s not always easy to take over steering if we haven’t done it, or didn’t know we could (or even when we know!) but it’s simple. Awareness is the first step.
Emma!!!!💗
Always right on time🙏
So much love🌈😻🌟
Ahh, so affirming. Thank you 🙏💜
An interesting morning practice, Emma with the pages of writing. I like your point about paying attention to emotional patterns as well.
So far, the main thing I notice about the pages practice is that it shows me I that most certainly can write three pages no matter what. No excuses.
Wonderful words, Emma. I envy your view! The atmosphere you described for your writing was marvelous.
Thanks so much Tim! I appreciate you reading. The view is one of my favorite parts about this spot!
Thanks so much Sarah - exactly what you said about the freedom that comes when we begin to question our thoughts. The biggest revelation for me has been turning the focus towards my moment to moment feeling/emotional state (driven by my thinking), rather than trying to manage everything from my mental realm. I'm glad you appreciate the science, as someone who loves the esoterics of it all, when I came around to the science portion I realized how much stability and clarity it offers!