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Markael Luterra's avatar

Tones...vibrations...feelings...it is interesting trying to put language to this. There is, in my experience, a unique feeling that connects with certain places, memories, music. A feeling that I cannot possibly describe in any language, that simply is. I might also call these tones - together they form a sort of resonance that is integral to my perception of myself. Perhaps behind and within all of that there is a tone that is simply mine, simply me. If so, I am not sure I can yet perceive it, identify it, recognize it from within.

"Sometimes naming is a blessing, not a limitation."

I find myself being grateful to my father, who viewed my naming as a project in discerning resonance, who did not feel bound by conventions. His notes of naming possibilities are fun to revisit.

I feel it is also my lesson in this time to learn to discern *yes* and *no* within myself. (https://dendroica.substack.com/p/interlude-on-discernment-and-will) Sometimes my mind will get carried away, creating a "yes" from perceived synchronicity or desire when there is not real alignment. And sometimes my mind will get in the way, adding confusion to a "yes" if it doesn't match my *ideas* of what would be resonant or what I most want. And then sometimes, I feel, there is simply not an answer, not a sense of surrendering or yielding into yes or no. And in these cases, the most clarity I feel within myself is that *there is no right answer*, that I need to exercise my own will, my own spontaneous spark to make a choice, to weave my own tone into the pattern as conscious creator.

In this particular time I find my sense of what is resonant shifting. I am overdue to head south, to a music festival in Ashland I signed up for months ago. And yet I find that I have been opting out of parties and gatherings, nesting in my new home, finding a sort of quiet resonance in long walks and one-on-one visits. I will still be going - it doesn't feel like a "no" per se - but I think I am letting go of a former self that needed to get there on time, keep to a schedule, not miss anything, and simply flowing with the water within me.

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Shruthi Vidhya Sundaram's avatar

First I read with my mind...I didn't get it.

Then I took a deep breathe, reading with my soul listening to the movements and yes's inside my body.

My body smiled.

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